Here are a few excerpts.
Why Do We Need Humans?
Our greatest philosophers have struggled with this question for centuries, but the answer is actually rather simple: THEY HAVE OPPOSABLE THUMBS - Which makes them the perfect tools for such tasks as opening doors, getting the lids off of cat food cans, changing television stations and other activities that we, despite our other obvious advantages, find difficult to do ourselves.
How And When to Get Your Human's Attention
Sitting on paper: An oldie but a goodie. If a human has paper in front of it, chances are good it's something they assume is more important than you. They will often offer you a snack to lure you away. Establish your supremacy over this wood pulp product at every opportunity. This practice also works well with computer keyboards, remote controls, car keys and small children.
Punishing Your Human Being
Sometimes, despite your best training efforts, you may have to punish your human.
we offer these subtle but nonetheless effective alternatives:
- Use the cat box during an important formal dinner.
- Stare impassively at your human while it is attempting a romantic interlude.