Kennel Cab

Back in January, when we nearly lost Firestar to a severe illness, we transported him in his Kennel Cab. For some time afterward he associated the Kennel Cab with going to the vet, being poked and prodded, being forced to wear a catheter, and a host of unhappy feelings.

He would run away at the sight of it.

The weather is nice now, and we have been spending a lot of time out in the garage preparing for the sale. Firestar hasn't liked it that we have been outside while he has to stay in, so he has taken to letting us know his feelings with an assortment of vocal messages.

This neighborhood is not especially safe for him, especially since we foolishly had one of his primary defense tools taken from him. Firestar is declawed on his front paws. So we don't let him run free outside. But he wants to be there. So we made up a compromise. Firestar can come outside with us - providing he remains in the Kennel Cab.

The first time we did this he wasn't keen on it (actually, the first time he never made it because he saw the Kennel Cab and ran away) and we brought him back in right off. But it didn't take him long to realize that the Kennel Cab was his ticket to the garage. Now, not only does he not mind being in it, but he will go inside it even when we are all in the house. In fact, it has become his way of telling us he wants to go outside. A very nice arrangement. Very quiet.

Cats are clever things, aren't they?


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Some Basic Rules We're All Aware Of

Good morning, fellow Alley Cats. Have you got a house to run? Well, I found a web site with a few tips. Nothing really new. Just common sense stuff.

If you have to throw up, get into a chair or on the bed quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get on an Oriental rug. If no Oriental rug is available, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so that it is as long as the human's bare foot.

Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. If this does not work, reach under the door pulling it towards you. Should this fail, stand at the door and scream until one of your humans responds. Once the door is opened, it is not necessary to use it.

After you have ordered an outside door open, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold or very hot weather, rain, snow, and mosquito season. Swinging doors are to be avoided at all costs.

Quickly determine which guest has allergies or hates cats the most. Sit on that lap. If you can arrange to have "fish 'n Glop" on your breath, so much the better. For a guest who claims, "I love kitties," be ready with aloof and disdain.

Always accompany any guest to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything ... just sit and stare.......

If one of your humans is engaged in some close activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called helping, otherwise known as hampering.

Following are the rules for hampering:

• When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.


• For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book, unless you can lie across the book itself.


• For knitting projects or paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work or at least the most important part. Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or knitting needles.


• When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper. They love to jump.

Any small item is a potential toy. If a human tries to confiscate it, this means that it is a Good Toy. Run with it under the bed. Look suitably outraged when the human grabs you and takes it away.

Always watch where it is put so you can steal it later.

As mentioned above, in order to have enough energy for playing, a cat must get plenty of sleep. It is generally not difficult to find a comfortable place to curl up. Any place a human likes to sit is good, especially if it contrasts with your fur color.

There's a lot more. I just took some of the high-lights.

Feel free to offer your own.
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What Do People Do When They Go Away

Did any of you other cats have this happen?

My humans all left around mid-day. Didn't get back until it was time to eat. (At least they did that. Some of my training has taken, at least.) But when they returned they had all kinds of strange smells about them. It took a bit for me to place the one, but at last I figured it out: dog.

Son virtually reeked of the smell. Spouse wasn't much better. At least with Bevie it was only hands. But there were other smells, too. Food smells. Not sure what the food was. Don't recall it ever being in my house.

Wonder where they went. Couldn't have been too great for Bevie seemed awful happy to be home.

Even so. Once again I had to punish them. Ignored them all night.

Humans. They never seem to learn, do they?
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Creatures of Habit

Found this. It's not the best one I found, but I couldn't get an embed link for the good one.



They say the cats are stupid, but how to they know it wasn't just cats setting up a human?
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How Dare They

Okay, my property has returned. Finally!

I knew something was up. They were all acting strange. (I mean, strange, even for them.) I tried to keep a keen eye on them, but they managed to give me the slip. My real clue was when they brought in other humans and showed them my food, water, and litter box.

They got up earlier than normal. Then they brought a bunch of things out of the house. Then they came in, gave me good pets, and left. I expected Bevie and Spouse to return right off. They didn't. I waited. And waited. And waited. Nothing. Finally, someone came through the front door. That was suspicious. They hardly ever use that door. But it wasn't Bevie, Spouse, or Son. It was the humans who had been here before. They were okay. They gave me food and water. The little one even raved over me and gave me gentle pets. Then they left. I was alone!

Yes, Bevie had turned on the radio. Like that was going to make me believe I had people in the house. I figured they would be home late, like that time a few weeks ago. But they didn't show up at all! They spent the night away. In the morning it was the same strange humans again. I waited all day. Nothing. In the evening, the strange humans again! And Bevie and company didn't come home again. Same thing in the morning. This time, I was in no mood for play. So when the little human wanted to play, I punched him. No claws. But they got the message and left.

Finally, late in the morning, I hear the garage door opening. The only time I hear that is when Bevie or Spouse is leaving - or arriving. They were home!

I went to the door leading to the garage and waited. Sure enough, it opened, and there was Son staring me in the face. Bevie was behind him. Finally, they had saw fit to come home. The prodigal people. Well, I turned my back and slowly walked away. Of course, Son had to catch me and hold me. Like I wanted that. But I went along with it - for awhile. I'm sure they were very stressed about being away from home so long. So I spent the first while making sure they were all right. Oh, except Spouse. It was my understanding this entire thing was Spouse's idea. So I punched Spouse in the face. No claws. Then, when Son and Spouse went upstairs to watch a show, I knew they were okay. So I punished them.

I went up and sat with my back to them. And when they tried to make up, I played feisty. They got the message. So I went downstairs. Sure enough, Bevie was at the computer. So I plopped down in plain sight and scowled. Bevie saw me, too. Even acknowleged the rightness of my actions. But I could tell Bevie was still stressed, so I gave in early and worked on comfort. It isn't always about punishment, you know. You have to take care of your property. So when Bevie went upstairs and lay down, I lay down, too. Just for a bit. To make sure Bevie was all right. I certainly didn't need the comfort.

I got my final revenge when they all went to bed. I sat outside the bedroom doors and howled. Did that for about an hour. Then I came and lay on the bed. But later, I did it again. Would have done it all night, but I need to get my rest, you know.

Hopefully, they have learned their lesson this time.

People! They just don't know how to behave.
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Taking Proper Care of Our Property

So I thought I would help Bevie out. You see, Bevie not only has big feet and a big mouth, but Bevie gets into big trouble. So I'm doing the post for the day.

I found a neat on-line cat coloring site. It links to another site with even more pictures to color.

Unfortunately, the only versions which can be downloaded are the blank templates. I didn't see how to download a picture once it had been colored. But very relaxing.

Something I think Bevie needs right now. What a pity I'm about to bite the hand that feeds me.

Hey! What can I say? It's play time!
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When Humans Get Overconfident

I had to punish Bevie, Spouse, and Son. Didn't like doing it, but some things just have to be done. They were all getting out of hand.

Life has routines, and humans have to learn to stick to them. The most important routine there is is the routine where things in my house have to go the way I expect them to. Generally, this isn't a problem. Bevie and the others seem to know their places and behave accordingly.

But not this past week. This past week they have been downright unruly. Unpredictable, even!

Days are supposed to begin with Bevie getting up at some strange hour. I will get up and make sure nothing is amiss - and get my back scratched and head rubbed. purrrrrr!

When Spouse gets up I am fed. Then Son gets up and the three of them leave. Shortly after Bevie and Spouse return. Son must be in a kennel or something. After that, Spouse will leave. Sometimes in the morning and sometimes later. Bevie will watch this strange show (Last of the New Wine), which is the signal Son is soon to come home. Then Bevie leaves. Shortly after, Bevie returns with Son. Not long after that I am fed again. Spouse will come home and the three of them will have their supper. When they finish eating they watch something. I will come up and let them carress my coat. Sometimes, if I'm feeling generous, I'll even purr for them. They like that, you know.

But that's not what they've been doing! They leave and come back at strange times. The one day they left very early and didn't come back until very late. That just isn't acceptable. It disrupted my entire day. They did the same thing the next day. I thought they were back to normal the day after, but they did it again yesterday! Do you realize I have had to actually wait to get fed? So, I had to discipline them. I had to be rough.

When they returned from whatever supposed important thing they had been doing, I made sure they saw me. Then I walked away and ignored them. Later, when they were watching their shows, I really took it to them. I jumped up where all three could see me plainly. Then I sat down - back to them. Oh, they just hate that. They fawned and they pleaded. They were so distressed. Eventually, I had to be merciful. But I think they've learned their lesson now.

Sometimes you just have to use tough love.
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It's Go For a Walk with Your Cat Day

This gives new meaning to the phrase.


Top Cat - The most amazing videos are a click away

I can't let Firestar see this. He's always trying to get on top of my head now.
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Humans Can Learn From Cats

Humans are always complaining about their weight. What idiots. Ever hear of a cat complaining about its weight? Mellow out, people.

However, in keeping with our feline tolerance of those beings who serve us well (tolerated as long as they are performing required duties), here is a diet program for humans concerned over such trivialities. Got it from this site.

The easiest way for any human to lose weight

is to follow the simple 'Cat Diet' plan:

DAY ONE

Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet food. Any flavor as long as it cost more the £1.50 per can -- and place 1/4 can on your plate. Eat 1 bite of food; look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor. Stare at the wall for awhile before stalking off into the other room.

Lunch: Four blades of grass and one vole's tail. Throw it back up on the cleanest carpet in your house.

Dinner: Catch a moth and play with it until it is almost dead. Eat one wing. Leave the rest to die somewhere.

Bedtime snack: Steal one green bean from your spouse's or partner's plate. Bat it around the floor until it goes under the refrigerator. Steal one small piece of chicken and eat half of it. Leave the other half for your partner to find where they least expect it. Throw out the remaining gourmet food from the can you opened this morning.

DAY TWO

Breakfast: Pick up the remaining chicken bite from behind the sofa. Knock it onto the carpet and bat it under the television set. Chew on the corner of the newspaper as your spouse/partner tries to read it. Be sure to eat enough of the newspaper to see you through until lunch.

Lunch: Break into the fresh French bread that you bought as your part of the dinner party on Saturday. Lick the top of it all over. Take one bite out of the middle of the loaf.

Afternoon snack: Catch a large beetle and bring it into the house. Play toss and catch with it until it is mushy and half dead. Allow it to escape under the bed.

Dinner: Open a fresh can of dark-colored gourmet food -- tuna or beef works well. Eat it voraciously. Walk from your kitchen to the edge of the living room rug. Promptly throw up on the rug. Step into it as you leave. Track footprints across the entire room.

DAY THREE

Breakfast: Drink part of the milk from your spouse's or partner's cereal bowl when no one is looking. Splatter part of it on the closest polished aluminum appliance you can find.

Lunch: Catch a small bird and bring it into the house. Play with on top of your down filled comforter. Make sure the bird is seriously injured but not dead before you abandon it for someone else to have to deal with.

Dinner: Beg and cry until you are given some ice cream or milk in a bowl of your own. Take three licks/laps and then turn the bowl over onto the most expensive looking floor covering you can find.

FINAL DAY

Breakfast: Eat 6 bugs, any type, being sure to leave a collection of legs, wings, antennae on the bathroom floor. Drink lots of water. Throw the bugs and all of the water up on your spouse's or partner's pillow.

Lunch: Remove the chicken skin from last night's chicken-to-go leftovers your spouse or partner placed in the bin. Drag the skin across the floor several times. Chew it in a corner and then abandon.

Dinner: Open another can of expensive gourmet food. Select a flavor that is especially runny, like Chicken and Giblets in Gravy. Lick off all the gravy and leave the actual meat to dry and get hard.

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People Haven't a Clue About Cats

Found this site where some human lists the things we cats need to survive. A nice list, but incomplete. Assuming it's a woman (author's name is Franny, but Bevie had a male relative with the same name), this is what she thinks a cat needs:

"In order to survive with some degree of comfort, there are certain absolutely minimal things a cat needs, such as good food, water, a litter box, scratching post, and a place to sleep. Oh yes, and don't forget toys. These are my top choices for the things a well-kept cat needs for survival."

But she left out one of our most important needs: A human being to torment.

Here's another site listing 25 Things Cat Lovers Know. I'll pull out a few highlights.

Cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.

Cats know what we feel. They don't care, but they know.

Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.

Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. It's all true, and they have many other fine qualities as well.

There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats.

You can always tell a cat, but you can't tell him much.


Oh, and Lisa was kind enough to send us a picture of Bessie.











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How Do You Get it Done

Until Bevie developed a wonderful insomnia, I used to have to do with a similar approach. This cat's got the right idea, I think.



In keeping with the Cat Philosophy of "never exert yourself - unless there's food involved", I've taken an easy approach on daily postings: videos others created or, let Bevie do it. purrrrrr
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