If you have to throw up, get into a chair or on the bed quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get on an Oriental rug. If no Oriental rug is available, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so that it is as long as the human's bare foot.
Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. If this does not work, reach under the door pulling it towards you. Should this fail, stand at the door and scream until one of your humans responds. Once the door is opened, it is not necessary to use it.
After you have ordered an outside door open, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold or very hot weather, rain, snow, and mosquito season. Swinging doors are to be avoided at all costs.
Quickly determine which guest has allergies or hates cats the most. Sit on that lap. If you can arrange to have "fish 'n Glop" on your breath, so much the better. For a guest who claims, "I love kitties," be ready with aloof and disdain.
Always accompany any guest to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything ... just sit and stare.......
If one of your humans is engaged in some close activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called helping, otherwise known as hampering.
Following are the rules for hampering:
- When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.
- For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book, unless you can lie across the book itself.
- For knitting projects or paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work or at least the most important part. Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or knitting needles.
- When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper. They love to jump.
Always watch where it is put so you can steal it later.
As mentioned above, in order to have enough energy for playing, a cat must get plenty of sleep. It is generally not difficult to find a comfortable place to curl up. Any place a human likes to sit is good, especially if it contrasts with your fur color.
There's a lot more. I just took some of the high-lights.
Feel free to offer your own.