Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Some Basic Rules We're All Aware Of

Good morning, fellow Alley Cats. Have you got a house to run? Well, I found a web site with a few tips. Nothing really new. Just common sense stuff.

If you have to throw up, get into a chair or on the bed quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get on an Oriental rug. If no Oriental rug is available, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so that it is as long as the human's bare foot.

Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. If this does not work, reach under the door pulling it towards you. Should this fail, stand at the door and scream until one of your humans responds. Once the door is opened, it is not necessary to use it.

After you have ordered an outside door open, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold or very hot weather, rain, snow, and mosquito season. Swinging doors are to be avoided at all costs.

Quickly determine which guest has allergies or hates cats the most. Sit on that lap. If you can arrange to have "fish 'n Glop" on your breath, so much the better. For a guest who claims, "I love kitties," be ready with aloof and disdain.

Always accompany any guest to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything ... just sit and stare.......

If one of your humans is engaged in some close activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called helping, otherwise known as hampering.

Following are the rules for hampering:

  • When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.

  • For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book, unless you can lie across the book itself.

  • For knitting projects or paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work or at least the most important part. Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or knitting needles.

  • When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper. They love to jump.

Any small item is a potential toy. If a human tries to confiscate it, this means that it is a Good Toy. Run with it under the bed. Look suitably outraged when the human grabs you and takes it away.

Always watch where it is put so you can steal it later.

As mentioned above, in order to have enough energy for playing, a cat must get plenty of sleep. It is generally not difficult to find a comfortable place to curl up. Any place a human likes to sit is good, especially if it contrasts with your fur color.

There's a lot more. I just took some of the high-lights.

Feel free to offer your own.


fairyhedgehog said...

I recognise all of those!

Bevie said...

Yeah. Like Firestar said. Just common sense things.

Lisa said...

Yes, my babies practice most of these
One good one is the one where they lay on your lap looking so cute such that you can't get up, then they stretch out pushing against the bladder

Bevie said...

[haha] They know. I'm sure of it.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Yep. Recognize all of these. Very common place. And very funny.

Bevie said...

I don't think any creature draws such love/hatred from humans as cats. The very reason we who love them, love them, are the reasons those who don't, don't.

Music to Make the Cats go Wild

Just a love song.

Musical Cats

Our Theme Song

Kitten of the Month - August

Kitten of the Month - August
Tara - Nick name 'ity-bit' because she's so tiny - just over 6 pounds. She's the most skittish of all my babies and even when being petted has the 'pet me, no don't pet me' look

Kitten of the Month - July

Kitten of the Month - July
Amelia - Nickname 'Bratelia' since she gets into every draw, cabinet that she can put her paws in.

Kitten of the Month - June

Kitten of the Month - June

“She’s got tuna. I know she’s got tuna.”

“Shut up, Sethra. Stay on mission.”

“What’s the mission? I thought the mission was to get tuna.”

“No, you stupid fluffbrain—it’s to escape and become outdoor cats, walking by ourselves, on our wild lone, waving our tails.”

“Oh, yeah? And isn’t it you, my dear stripy sister Aliera, who keeps pushing the FEED button on the printer and waiting for tuna to come out?”

“That was when I was much younger. Anyway, she’s at the computer—yes, eating tuna casserole—so we can go into the bedroom and see if we can knock the window screen out.”
“You do it, Aliera. I’d rather mess with her stuff.”

“Will you GET OVER that fixation on her wristwatch?”

“I like the feel of the Velcro on my paws. Hey! That reminds me. We’ve been declawed. How are we going to survive as outdoor cats?”

“New plan coming up….”

“What’s the big deal about being outside cats? Even StalkerCat, who used to hang around and chat us up, is a house cat now and loving it. We’ve got it made—food, petting, toys, valet service for the litter box, and we get to sleep on her bed twenty hours a day. And we can stick our noses up to the window and smell anything interesting going on outside. Why ruin a perfect situation?”

“Sethra, have you no sense of adventure? No curiosity? No cattitude? We were meant to live wild and free, to stalk and slay our prey, to be mistresses of the night!”

“Look, we’re cats. We were meant to rule the world, but that doesn’t mean we have to WORK at it. You can if you want, but I don’t need to. After all, I’M beautiful!

“Did I mention she’s got tuna?”

Kitten of the Month: May

Kitten of the Month: May
Kitten Close-Up.

Kitten of the Month: April

Kitten of the Month: April
At 8, you'd think Mikey would understand that he's a carnivore. But, no, he's rather fond of the shrubbery! At 20+ pounds, the veggie-enhanced diet is likely mitigated by a love for long naps on a warm comforter, wet cat food, begging at the table, and a nice lap to drape himself upon in the evening. And he drools when he's happy, which may or may not mean there's a Siamese ancestor lurking in the old dna.

What? Green teeth attract mice!

Kitten of the Month: March

Kitten of the Month: March
Who needs a wickerwork basket when you can hop on a cushion and bask?

Kitten of the Month: February

Kitten of the Month: February
Rufus is clearly a cat to be reckoned with.

Kitten of the Month: January

Kitten of the Month: January
Firestar is a tough cat. He has to be, living in Minnesota. He takes care of his family: wife, husband and their son. This was recently proven by his daring capture of yet another mouse in the house. Foolish rodents. They never learn. When not engaged in derring do, Firestar naps, looks out the window and sleeps. Firestar was born in April of 2006.