So I've always wondered about Firestar, and now I know. He's a bit of a pervert.
The other day Spouse and Son were playing cards in the living room. They called me to come and see what Firestar was doing. He was at the window, very interested in some mating activity going on with some ducks. Now true, the ducks should have booked a room. There's a hotel just under two miles from here. Very nice. Pool and everything. They were doing a threesome, you know.
I suppose he has to get his jollies somehow. We don't have any x-rated films about the house. Nor do we get the dirty magazines. So this was probably quite the spectacle.
By the time I could get back with the camera the ducks had left and Firestar's intense posture had settled into something more relaxed. All he needed was a cigarette. But we don't have those in the house either.
What? I'm not doing nuthin'.
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Music to Make the Cats go Wild
Tara - Nick name 'ity-bit' because she's so tiny - just over 6 pounds. She's the most skittish of all my babies and even when being petted has the 'pet me, no don't pet me' look
Amelia - Nickname 'Bratelia' since she gets into every draw, cabinet that she can put her paws in.
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“She’s got tuna. I know she’s got tuna.”
“Shut up, Sethra. Stay on mission.”
“What’s the mission? I thought the mission was to get tuna.”
“No, you stupid fluffbrain—it’s to escape and become outdoor cats, walking by ourselves, on our wild lone, waving our tails.”
“Oh, yeah? And isn’t it you, my dear stripy sister Aliera, who keeps pushing the FEED button on the printer and waiting for tuna to come out?”
“That was when I was much younger. Anyway, she’s at the computer—yes, eating tuna casserole—so we can go into the bedroom and see if we can knock the window screen out.”
“You do it, Aliera. I’d rather mess with her stuff.”
“Will you GET OVER that fixation on her wristwatch?”
“I like the feel of the Velcro on my paws. Hey! That reminds me. We’ve been declawed. How are we going to survive as outdoor cats?”
“New plan coming up….”
“What’s the big deal about being outside cats? Even StalkerCat, who used to hang around and chat us up, is a house cat now and loving it. We’ve got it made—food, petting, toys, valet service for the litter box, and we get to sleep on her bed twenty hours a day. And we can stick our noses up to the window and smell anything interesting going on outside. Why ruin a perfect situation?”
“Sethra, have you no sense of adventure? No curiosity? No cattitude? We were meant to live wild and free, to stalk and slay our prey, to be mistresses of the night!”
“Look, we’re cats. We were meant to rule the world, but that doesn’t mean we have to WORK at it. You can if you want, but I don’t need to. After all, I’M beautiful!
“Did I mention she’s got tuna?”
At 8, you'd think Mikey would understand that he's a carnivore. But, no, he's rather fond of the shrubbery! At 20+ pounds, the veggie-enhanced diet is likely mitigated by a love for long naps on a warm comforter, wet cat food, begging at the table, and a nice lap to drape himself upon in the evening. And he drools when he's happy, which may or may not mean there's a Siamese ancestor lurking in the old dna.
What? Green teeth attract mice!
Who needs a wickerwork basket when you can hop on a cushion and bask?
Rufus is clearly a cat to be reckoned with.
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Firestar is a tough cat. He has to be, living in Minnesota. He takes care of his family: wife, husband and their son. This was recently proven by his daring capture of yet another mouse in the house. Foolish rodents. They never learn. When not engaged in derring do, Firestar naps, looks out the window and sleeps. Firestar was born in April of 2006.
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What? I'm not doing nuthin'.
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7 comments:
Oh, so this was a live episode of When Ducks Go Wild, was it?
Cats are born masters of the What Are You Lookin' At? (otherwise known as I Meant To Do That.)
Sometimes they're more human than we are.
HAH! This made me crack up out loud, Bevie!
Honestly I think Firestar was likely more interested in HOW he could grab hold of both of the ducks.
Nah. I think he was just enjoying the show. Oh, there was a bunny, too.
I had a cat once that had the most powerful imagination I've ever seen. I'd explain how I knew that, but it's a bit x-rated and it didn't involve ducks, just himself sitting slone on the couch with his eyes half closed.
Yeah. I think we get the picture.
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