Sunday, January 18, 2009

People Think They Know Us - But They Don't

While traveling through the cyber streets with Bevie this morning we came across this site which purports to answer some of the questions of cat behavior. They haven't a clue.

Here are the ten questions they
think they answered, and the ten real answers to those questions.

1. Why do cats knead humans with their paws?

According to the site, it's because we like humans. But they left out the two important words. We knead humans because we like to kill humans. Simple explanations are always best.

2. Why do cats dunk their toys in the food and/or water bowls?

According to the site, its because we're trying to protect our toys. The real answer is we do it because it's annoying to humans.

3. Why do cats chatter at birds outside or on television?

According to the site, it's because we're frustrated. Before I give you the real answer, let me make one thing clear: Cats.Don't.Chatter. Now, to the explanation. It's the same as when humans talk to their car, television, telephone or any other contraption. No big deal.

4. Why do cats attack my feet (human asking question) when I walk by?

According to the site, it's because we're playing. The real answer is because the jugular is too high to bother with.

5. Why do cats like to drink water from a running faucet?

According to the site, it's because we like the taste and the motion. The real answer is because you can't drink water from a tap which is shut off! Duh!

6. Why do cats go crazy at night?

According to the site, it's because we sleep during the day and are active at night. Well, I've got news for them. We sleep during the night, too. However, we learn to be most active in direct proportion to the amount of annoyance we can cause with our activity. People who work during the night find their cats go crazy during the daytime. purrrrrr

7. Why do cats knock things over?

According to the site, it's not because we're clumsy. We just want to get human attention - or we think it's funny. Okay. I'll give them the "we think it's funny" bit. One out of seven.

8. Why do cats rub their heads on our legs and shoes?

According to the site, it's because we're "marking" the human as our own. The real answer is we only do it when humans don't want us to, therefore making it an annoying act.

9. Why do cats suddenly hiss and bite when being petted?

According to the site, it's because we're letting the human know the petting session is over. The real answer is we do it because biting humans is funny. It's especially funny when they don't see any reason for it. Keep 'em guessing. That's what we do.

10. Why do cats scratch on glass windows?

According to the site, it's because we're testing the glass to see if we can get through it. What rubbish! Of course we know we can't get through it. We touch the glass because it's just been cleaned. We've even been known to lick the glass in order to get it wet enough to attach our loose hairs as we rub on by. People, people, people. Learn about cats!

They really don't know us, do they?


fairyhedgehog said...

These are very good.

Bevie said...

Ah, regarding #5, Spouse had this comment: Actually, it's because dogs drink out of the toilet.

talpianna said...

According to Juliet Clutton-Brock (and who should know better?) we cats are opportunistic crepuscular carnivores.

Yeah, and we're unindicted co-conspirators, too.

Firestar said...

Had to look up "crepuscular". Wasn't sure I liked the sound of that.

"Twilight" creatures. I do like that.

Conspirators. Yeah!


Music to Make the Cats go Wild

Just a love song.

Musical Cats

Our Theme Song

Kitten of the Month - August

Kitten of the Month - August
Tara - Nick name 'ity-bit' because she's so tiny - just over 6 pounds. She's the most skittish of all my babies and even when being petted has the 'pet me, no don't pet me' look

Kitten of the Month - July

Kitten of the Month - July
Amelia - Nickname 'Bratelia' since she gets into every draw, cabinet that she can put her paws in.

Kitten of the Month - June

Kitten of the Month - June

“She’s got tuna. I know she’s got tuna.”

“Shut up, Sethra. Stay on mission.”

“What’s the mission? I thought the mission was to get tuna.”

“No, you stupid fluffbrain—it’s to escape and become outdoor cats, walking by ourselves, on our wild lone, waving our tails.”

“Oh, yeah? And isn’t it you, my dear stripy sister Aliera, who keeps pushing the FEED button on the printer and waiting for tuna to come out?”

“That was when I was much younger. Anyway, she’s at the computer—yes, eating tuna casserole—so we can go into the bedroom and see if we can knock the window screen out.”
“You do it, Aliera. I’d rather mess with her stuff.”

“Will you GET OVER that fixation on her wristwatch?”

“I like the feel of the Velcro on my paws. Hey! That reminds me. We’ve been declawed. How are we going to survive as outdoor cats?”

“New plan coming up….”

“What’s the big deal about being outside cats? Even StalkerCat, who used to hang around and chat us up, is a house cat now and loving it. We’ve got it made—food, petting, toys, valet service for the litter box, and we get to sleep on her bed twenty hours a day. And we can stick our noses up to the window and smell anything interesting going on outside. Why ruin a perfect situation?”

“Sethra, have you no sense of adventure? No curiosity? No cattitude? We were meant to live wild and free, to stalk and slay our prey, to be mistresses of the night!”

“Look, we’re cats. We were meant to rule the world, but that doesn’t mean we have to WORK at it. You can if you want, but I don’t need to. After all, I’M beautiful!

“Did I mention she’s got tuna?”

Kitten of the Month: May

Kitten of the Month: May
Kitten Close-Up.

Kitten of the Month: April

Kitten of the Month: April
At 8, you'd think Mikey would understand that he's a carnivore. But, no, he's rather fond of the shrubbery! At 20+ pounds, the veggie-enhanced diet is likely mitigated by a love for long naps on a warm comforter, wet cat food, begging at the table, and a nice lap to drape himself upon in the evening. And he drools when he's happy, which may or may not mean there's a Siamese ancestor lurking in the old dna.

What? Green teeth attract mice!

Kitten of the Month: March

Kitten of the Month: March
Who needs a wickerwork basket when you can hop on a cushion and bask?

Kitten of the Month: February

Kitten of the Month: February
Rufus is clearly a cat to be reckoned with.

Kitten of the Month: January

Kitten of the Month: January
Firestar is a tough cat. He has to be, living in Minnesota. He takes care of his family: wife, husband and their son. This was recently proven by his daring capture of yet another mouse in the house. Foolish rodents. They never learn. When not engaged in derring do, Firestar naps, looks out the window and sleeps. Firestar was born in April of 2006.